How Do I Process This? Therapy for Healthcare Workers During the Covid Crisis

Before I entered private practice, I worked in hospitals for many years, particularly in the Pediatric ICU. Something I loved about that work was the toughness of the types of people who end up working in such a high trauma environment. Folks there are used to being able to jump into action, stay calm and organized in complex situations, and joke around with the best of their salty “I’ve seen a whole lot” charm. 

In spite of that grit and strength, there were distinct moments I would see a more human struggle in the hospital. Deaths always happen more than any hospital staff desires, and it’s not part of medical training to know how to cope when they occur. Normally, providers can find comfort in the sadness because they can feel confident in the care they provided, but what happens when times aren’t normal?

I Tried to Move on and Now I Can’t Keep Moving

Working in a hospital this spring was pretty far from normal. New York City was hit harder than anywhere in the world. A doctor I spoke to at the time described how she and her colleagues felt like sacrificial lambs. At that time, there was no choice other than to keep moving forward and try to help patients.

Then, as another doctor described it, the spigot was turned off. The curve had been flattened in New York, and the hospitals emptied. Things quickly returned to normal, and hospital staff did what they do best and kept moving forward. Now some time has passed, and many providers find themselves left with questions, feelings, and scars that make it hard to keep moving forward. What now?

You Might be Feeling the Aftereffects of Trauma, but Therapy Can Help

Memories that appear on loop or emerge as flashbacks, guilt, shame, isolation, emotional and physical tension and irritability can all be signs that you experienced trauma. When these feelings get stuck, it’s a sign that we’re having trouble processing the experience on our own.

If you’re reading this as a frontline medical worker who has witnessed all kinds of trauma before Covid, you might be wondering how talking to someone about it can possibly help. Processing your experience with a professional can help in multiple ways:

1. Trauma Causes Tunnel Vision

When someone is living through a traumatic event, it can cause their lens on the situation to narrow. This makes sense as a trauma response because our bodies and minds kick in to help us effectively survive danger, which in this case can mean narrowing your focus. While this helps in the moment, it can cause problems in terms of perspective and understanding your own experience in context. Often, people become very powerful in their own stories of traumatic events and beat themselves up for wielding that power in ways they regret or feel shame about. A therapist can help reality test your memory and contextualize your experience.

2. There’s a lot to Grieve, and it Helps to Have a Guide

I find often in therapy how little our culture knows about grief; both how to do it and when it’s needed. Frequently grief is associated only with death; however, I believe grief is needed for all forms of loss. In reaction to the trauma of the apex this past spring, there might be quite a bit to grieve: loss of control, questions about ability, loss of opportunities, anger at your own perceived shortcomings, to name a few. In therapy, I guide my patients through the process and make space for the feelings to exist and express themselves. Without that process, the feelings exist but get stuck and often come out in uncontrolled ways that are unpleasant (angry outbursts, anyone?). Going through the feelings can be hard, but ultimately liberating.

3. Offering Love to the Shame

The most stubborn part of trauma recovery can be addressing and shifting shame. Shame, in my opinion, is the most complex of human emotions and quite stubborn. When trauma limits our vision, shame typically fills in the gaps to use old fears and stories to fill in why our power was limited or misdirected in a painful moment. Our old songs we sing about ourselves being selfish, unworthy, lazy, or dangerous can cement a narrowed story into place. It’s here that a trusting and safe relationship with a therapist that folks can learn to offer love to these parts of themselves that need it the most and begin to shift the narrative, which is perhaps the most tricky and crucial part of trauma recovery.

While it has now been a few years since I worked in a hospital myself, I relish my opportunities to see healthcare workers in private practice and offer an ear fluent in the medical world and its culture. This year was not normal, and it makes sense to need help moving forward.